ME, ME, ME

The three men were lead into a small prison cell, which smelled faintly of an old kebab. As the door slammed, they each eyed the other occupants who sat uncomfortably close to one another. The first man was dressed smartly in a dark suit, with black emotionless glasses that hid his eyes. The second man wore long flowing robes, and had eyebrows and pointed ears which seemed to be reaching for the sky. The third man wore a short, sparkling green dress, and had a face smothered from chin to hairline in make up. He was the first to break the awkward silence gathering between the trio.
"Hiiiiiiiii girls! I'm Mitzi!" he squealed in a loud voice.
The second man inclined his head slightly and murmured, "I am Lord Elrond from the Elven haven Imladris."
The first man gritted his teeth before announcing "Smith. Agent Smith."
Mitzi leaned forward and gave each man a kiss on either cheek, before sitting back with a grin. Blushing ever so slightly under his 'ageless' Elven skin, Elrond asked, "Pray tell, do either of you gentlemen know why we are being held in this building of confinement?"
"I've no idea darling!" answered Mitzi. "One minute I'm driving Priscilla, next I'm banged up in here with you good-looking babes!" He ended by slapping Smith's thigh.
Whilst reloading his gun and glaring at Mitzi, Smith said "Perhaps the mainframe is not satisfied."
Mitzi's grin threatened to split his face in half. "I think it's safe to say that we've all been naughty boys!" He waggled his eyebrows.
Elrond's eyebrows looked set to launch for the Moon. "Son of a Hobbit! This is that son of a Human Aragorn's fault! Not content with my enchanting Arwen, he began flirting with me! It was contagious!"
He held his head in his hands. Smith appeared pleased with the display of suffering. Mitzi responded by fingering one of Elrond's pointed ears.
Continuing on, Elrond wailed "Circumstances drove me into action! So I sent Aragorn to live with the repulsive Hobbit, Bilbo. He went insane in less than a day. I fear the Dark Lord Sauron has seeped into my very being!"
Mitzi gasped excitedly. Smith pouted as if in deep thought.
"My 'crimes' against humanity are many" he began in his slow voice. "My task is the zookeeper, and if I feel the need to tease the animals, that is my allowance."
Smith's voice had already hypnotised Mitzi and Elrond, who sat staring at him, slack-jawed.
"And by tease, I mean kill" slurred Smith, raising an eyebrow and allowing himself a small smile. "Agent's Jones and Brown thought it was a waste of good battery power. I told them they were a waste of good battery power, and shot them too."
Mitzi frowned, cracking the layers of makeup across his forehead. Elrond fiddled with his eyebrows. Smith smirked. The following silence threatened to encompass them all unless someone broke it soon.
"Well!" said Mitzi suddenly. "I can't think of a single sin related to me! All me and my boys ever do is have fun!" He crossed his legs, giving a shocking view to the room's other occupants. "Welllll, there was this one time involving me, Felicia, a pair of tights and a skunk -"
"I think I've heard enough" said Smith, standing up and aiming his Desert Eagle at the door.
"That's a big gun you got there" leered Mitzi with a wink.
"So I'm told" murmured Elrond.
The shot from the gun burst a hole through the door, and light poured in, blinding each of the men's visions.

…….

What happened next to the three strangers is unclear. But rumours insist that Agent Smith went on to become a notorious drag green, his behaviour infecting the Matrix until everyone wore only florescent clothing with high heels. Lord Elrond decided to become a lawyer, who chose on wearing only brown and grey suits with (slightly too large) black glasses. And Mitzi decided to have plastic surgery on his ears to make them more "sexily pointy", and wore long flowing robes everywhere, including the bath. So nothing changed.

Thanks to Hal for lending me those 3 lovely Hugo Weaving pics at the top. Visit his page here